


Honeymoon phase

by Morethancupcake



Series: Sugar and spice [21]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Misunderstandings, writer!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 16:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2857958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Castiel used to believe this smile was reserved just for him. He tries to think, tries to find an explanation, a way to process what he's seeing. They are laughing, all, and Castiel feels like they're laughing at him now. His fingers let go of the bags. The food, the gifts. He doesn't really care about Christmas anymore. The honeymoon is over."</p><p>On his way to the family Christmas party, Castiel sees Dean with his sister, Anna.  Dean, who said he couldn't make it, is his sister's date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honeymoon phase

**Author's Note:**

> day 21 : spending the evening in a cafe

Honeymoon phase. 

Castiel knows they are sickeningly sweet but he can't stop himself. He can't even find in himself to be bothered when Dean chases him for more kisses when they part in the morning. He can't bring himself to care when they stare into each other's eyes until people around them start to smile or frown. He is in love, and happy. He puts chocolates in Dean's pockets, and in the morning there's a ketchup heart on his eggs. 

Dean is amazing. Dean is everything. Dean smiles and makes him laugh. Dean listens to him with wide eyes, and gets passionate about his work. Dean is amazing, and his. 

The big Novak Christmas part is tonight, and Castiel had invited Dean, because for the first time in years he feels confident enough to bring someone to the chaos that is his family. Their gatherings are loud, and exhausting. Each year had his drama. The main event being the constant competition between Gabriel and Anna. It had started years ago, something silly, but now it was tradition. Each year, Anna and Gabriel would bring their dates, and compete as if they were supposed to win gold. Who's date was the hottest, nicest, smartest... Castiel didn't get it, and mostly tried to stay out of their way, spending time with people he would not see again for a year. 

But Dean had said no. Castiel tries not to see too much into it. Dean has a whole life without him, and he's completely okay with that. But the fact Dean hadn't said what exactly he was doing tonight is a little confusing. They're usually very honest with each other. But not tonight, tonight Dean had tried to distract him with kisses, telling him how sorry he is not to be able to make it, and he had left with the promise of a call, later. Castiel tries not to feel sad, or disappointed. Maybe it's better, after all. He's not sure Dean is ready for the way Balthazar and Gabriel start to dance when they're drunk.

 

He stops on the way to get the cake, and to charge the mountain of gift he's supposed to bring. He exchanges a few texts with Gabriel, who's making him laugh describing the mayhem that is his kitchen. His girlfriend, Kali, is hilarious and fitting right in, and Castiel is actually looking forward to seeing her again. If Castiel remembers well, even Anna had grumpily admitted last year Kali was amazing, and Gabriel deserved to win, since her girlfriend Ruby had bailed out at the last minute. Castiel wonder what his siblings are going to think of Dean. He is so smitten, he's not sure he's a good judge, and so far when asked about his love life, he had just confirmed he was seeing someone, and it was pretty serious. The party was supposed to be the perfect moment to introduce Dean, but there's always New Year's Eve, he supposes.

The family house is beautiful, with the lights his brothers had certainly spent hours fighting about. He parks his car as close as possible, and decides to grab everything in one go. The snow is making his walk hazardous, and he doesn't want to risk falling over the big stairs more than once. From the porch, he can hear the music, and the laughs. He can see through the french doors, and he spots Gabriel and Kali, laughing at something Michael is saying, glasses in hands. He can see Samandriel and Hester talking in a corner. He can see his whole family, happy and excited.

And then he sees Dean.

Dean is sitting in one of the bigger couches, holding hands with Anna. Dean, wearing the tie Castiel had helped him with earlier, smiling softly and kissing Anna's cheek. Castiel used to believe this smile was reserved just for him. He tries to think, tries to find an explanation, a way to process what he's seeing. They are laughing, all, and Castiel feels like they're laughing at him now. His fingers slowly let go of the bags. The food, the gifts. He doesn't really care about Christmas anymore.

The honeymoon is over.

He smiles to himself when going back to his car. When driving away from the street, away from the other houses and the lights. No one noticed he was there, and for that he is glad. He is glad he had to deal with the pain and the betrayal alone. He is glad he won't have to listen to Dean, and Anna. His stops his car on a deserted parking lot, and thinks.

He can't go back home, mostly because he doesn't want to, but because Dean has a key. Dean has a key, and a toothbrush, and clothes there. And Castiel knows he'll start to cry, he'll probably wail like a little kid if he smells Dean's coffee in the kitchen. He needs to change the locks, and pack things up and mail them to Dean. That's the pratical thing to do, but Castiel doesn't want to be practical right now. He doesn't want to explain to his friends his boyfriend was nothing but a myth, a ghost. Something he wanted to believe in so badly.

Castiel thinks about his choices now. When he'll leave his car, he'll have to deal with what happened. And he's not ready for that, yet. So he does what he does best. He starts the car and goes. He feels lighter when passing the church, and the school, and all these places he used to go to. He starts to hum when passing the motels and buildings at the periphery of the city. He turns on the radio and starts to sing softly when hitting the freeway. He sings about love, and happiness, and can't even find in himself to be crushed, because it is funny.

He is this year's drama.

He passes fields, and small towns. He drives through a forest and likes it so much he takes the small roads, getting lost for a while, until he's on a small path, leading to what seems to be a restaurant. The place is so beautifully quaint, Castiel thinks it's exaclty what he needed. The sign says he can rent a cabin, and he grabs his overnight bag. His phone is buried under sweaters and pjs, and he can't let himself check the messages and calls. 

Maybe they did notice his absence. Maybe they noticed the boxes outside. Maybe Anna had said something about his missing brother, Castiel, and Dean now knows. Maybe.

The restaurant is more a café than anything else. The kind Castiel doesn't really get, with huge chairs and sofas. It smells like cake, and sweets. The owner, Benny, is extremely nice and polite, taking his reservation and letting him find a table before bringing him the menu, written on a big board, with chalk. Castiel smile is a little more tense, because this is romantic, painfully so, and he's alone. He's actually the only customer tonight, and he can feel Benny's frown heavy on his shoulders when he just orders an Irish coffee and dismisses the food.

When he comes back with the mug, it's topped with homemade whipped cream, and it smells heavenly. The patron waits a total of five seconds before sitting himself on the other side of the table.

"Not exactly on a holiday, are you ?" Castiel smiles into his mug. So that's how it's going to be. He wonders if he should ask for privacy, but Benny's eyes are nice, and he is probably bored out of his mind, all alone here.

"Not planned, no." The coffee is strong, the whiskey rich, and Castiel feels warm for the first time in hours. "Something came up."

"I see. Not the kind of something that could take the police at your door tomorrow, I hope ?" The threat is there, and Castiel understands completely. It's still a little odd to think of himself as anything but inofensive, but he supposes he's not the Castiel he was a few hours ago.

"Nothing of the sort." He sips to give him courage. He is not sure he can talk about it just yet. "I saw something. And I decided to leave. I couldn't face it just yet." Benny's eyes are softer now. The big man is less and less intimidating, and Castiel feels a little at home. 

"I guess I can relate, brother. Came home one day to see my wife with another. Not my proudest moment." He frowns and adds. "You beat up the guy ?" Castiel laughs, because it would've been so much easier. So much better.

"My boyfriend was my sister's date at our Christmas party." He tries to smile, but fails and drinks heavily from his cup, burning his tongue and his throat. "He told me he had something planned, and couldn't make it, and I believed him." He feels like a fool. "I believed him." There's a hand on his shoulder, and Benny is leaving the table. 

"I'll go make you another one and food. You need it."

 

Castiel fishes his ipad in his bag, and starts to write, after sending Gabriel a picture of his second drink, topped with even more whipped cream. It's far from ideal to write on it, but it is a need, right now. His editor had been happy about the few bits he had submitted earlier, and Castiel thinks he'll probably be ready to start editing soon. Pain was, as always, a wonderful muse. The words fall from his fingertips, and he lets himself go. He stops only to thank Benny, first for the sandwich and refill, and then for glass of whiskey he puts without a word next to him. He writes until his eyes burn, until the whiskey is gone, and Benny is back in the kitchen, getting ready for breakfast. He's kind of proud of what he's done. Most of the main work is looking good, and now he can start to edit. But first, he closes his eyes and rest for a second.

 

He dreams of this summer, going to the beach and sleeping in the sun, head into his arms. He dreams of his father's warm voice, and his big arms, and suddenly his father is replaced by Benny and his kind eyes, looking at him across the table. He dreams of Dean's fingers carding through his hair, and he wakes up. 

Because Dean is here. Dean is sitting next to him, running his fingers through his hair and looking so sad. Except Dean had no right to feel sad. Castiel feels anger, and hurt, and he's so mad, tears are pooling in his eyes, he can't see clearly.

"I'm so sorry, Cas. I'm sorry." Castiel shoves him away, and fixes his gaze on the table. Benny is back at the bar, looking at them as if ready to get Dean out and away from him.

"Sorry for what, Dean ? Sorry you cheated on me with my sister ? Or was it the other way around ?" He's so mad, he can't even think. He should be getting his keys back, and asking Dean about why he did it, why he had to lie and spoil everything, but he isn't ready, yet. He left for a reason. "How did you find me anyway ?"

"The picture you sent." Dean's eyes are pleading. "Gabriel showed us, and we called all the cafés that could fit the name on the napkin." Castiel closes his eyes, because of course, his brother would've turn this into a chase and a game. He feels stupid for taking the picture, and sending it, and for everything. Dean is almost whispering now, as if scared to anger Castiel further. "It called here, and when I explained I was looking for my boyfriend, the guy asked if I was the cheating bastard who had to go after a guy's sister. I figured it was it, then." Castiel is looking at Benny, feeling utterly betrayed, but the man is still looking at them with the same serious look on his face.

"You deserve to beat the shit out of him, brother. Or you'll regret it, believe me." Castiel smiles at that, and from the corner of his eyes, he can see Dean getting a little paler. 

"Castiel, I swear I'm not dating Anna. I'm not." Dean is looking right in his eyes, and Castiel hates himself for the wave of hope in his chest at this. He hates himself for wanting so badly to believe it. "I can explain. Please trust me." Interpreting Castiel's silence as a sign to go on, he rushes. "I had no idea Anna was your sister ! She's a friend of Jo, I told you about Jo ? Well long story short, she came to me few weeks ago, asking me to play perfect boyfriend for her family's sake, or, from what I gathered, for her brother's Gabriel's sake ?" Dean is clearly distressed. He moves his fingers, taps his foot on the floor. "I'm sorry, Cas. I had make a promise, and I had no idea..."

"You're telling me you were pretending to be my sister's boyfriend at our family party ?" Dean closes his eyes at the anger in Castiel's words, and nods. "And I'm supposed to believe you ?"

"I know.. I know it's crazy. I mean, stupid. I'm sorry, Cas. I'm so sorry. I believe she left you several messages explaining everything. I mean, everyone from the party had tried to call." Castiel snorts at that. Trust them all to get involved. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I ruined it for you. I'm sorry you invited me and I blew it to ..."

"To pretend to be my sister's date." He's exhausted. The whiskey, and the car, and all the emotions are not a good mix. He needs to sleep, and he needs to think. He gets his bag, and after a moment he nods to tell Dean it's ok to follow him. He ignores Benny's smile the entire way to their cabin.

 

It's small, but warm. The water pressure in the shower is nice, and Castiel is happy to have packed more clothes than he needed to for a night at his brother's. Dean accepts the clean clothes and goes to the bathroom, looking confused as if things are ok between them or not.

Castiel doesn't know himself. He just knows he's a little drunk, and tired, and he's never been mean enough to force someone to sleep in a car under the snow. He's being melodramatic, here, because obviously Dean could've booked a cabin for himself, or just spent the rest of the night in the café, but well. Castiel doesn't really want to think. He shuts down his light and burries himself under the heavy comforter smelling like rosemary, the smell of it oddly comforting.  
Dean is back after a while, smelling like Castiel's laundry soap and shower gel. It's the first time they're so far away in the same bed. Usually Castiel finds himself arms full of his boyfriend, and it's so depressing now he can feel tears in his eyes. Or maybe it's the whiskey.

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean's voice is very small inside the cabin. "I'm so sorry I... shit." Castiel can't hide his sobs, and Dean is on him in an instant, dragging him in his arms, rocking him. All he can think about his Dean's hand in Anna's, and the kiss on her cheek, and it's stupid because apparently it had been nothing, but it hurts. It hurts so much he can't breathe. Dean is kissing his forehead and holding him close, and Castiel lets himself feel everything he had put aside from the moment he had seen them through the window. In the dark, it's easier to cry about it, and to tell Dean. To tell him he's not okay with it. He's not okay with him holding someone else's hand, and kissing them. He feels foolish, he feels stupid and insecure. His minds starts to provide him with images he doesn't need, questions he can't ask, and Dean holds him close.

"I won't do it anymore then. If it upsets you, I can swear I won't, Cas. I love you. I'm sorry." Somewhere between love and forgiveness, Castiel falls asleep.

 

In the morning, Dean brings him coffee and beignets from the café, and he kisses him softly, like he's fragile, and a shock could break him. Castiel takes time to thank Benny before leaving, and they chat for a while, exchanging numbers, Castiel promising to come again and really enjoy the place. He isn't worried. He will.  
The drive is silent, and Dean even lets him pick the music, not even making a comment when Nick Drake's voice lulls Castiel back to sleep halfway through. When he wakes up from his nap, they'res almost to the Winchester's house, and Dean is driving with a hand on his thigh. Their smiles are hesitant, now, and Castiel realizes it was their first real fight.

The honeymoon is over.

 

CODA

The house smells like burgers and soup, weirdly enough, and Dean is going through a pile of mail while calling his brother. Castiel smiles and gets rid of his coat and his scarf, walking to the kitchen, where he can hear Sam's moving. He's stopped by two hands on his shoulder, to prevent him from crashing into the younger Winchester's bigger frame.

"You got to be kidding me !" Dean is looking at them with a look of pure horror, and Castiel frowns, trying to understand Bobby's grunting. Then he gets it. At the kitchen door, someone had nailed a branch of mistletoe. It's crooked and almost falling, but it's there. He can't really process what's happening when Sam's huge hands are suddenly on his face. And well. They are kissing. The chorus of groans makes him break the kiss and laugh. Sam's eyes are full of glee, and Castiel guesses it's a revenge Sam was plotting for a while. 

"Did you just use tongue on my boyfriend ? Are you insane, Sammy ?" Castiel can't stop laughing while he's being pulled back and kissed angrily, Dean inspecting him as if he didn't smelled right anymore.

"It would serve you right if I did !" Sam is retreating to the kitchen, laughing under his breath, to a chuckling Bobby who slaps him on the arm before getting back to what he was watching on TV. 

Dean pouts for the rest of the day.


End file.
